Triumph
Beyond Color
September 1998When
I tried out for the play during my freshman year, I knew I wouldn't be in the cast. It
wasn't my ability to act that was in question. It was my color. I was different from any
other students. To me, a person's color greatly determines whether or not a role is
achieved. It was not the issue of prejudice either. The role simply did not call for a
person of color. My intuitions were correct. My attempts were feeble. I did not get a part
in the play.
I was hit with a great blow, a disappointment, a failure. All
I could think of was surrendering to the fact that I was a minority. I was helpless,
trapped in a skin that prevented me from reaching a dream. For two long years, I kept that
painful dream in me. It nagged me and I asked myself why was I born different. But I had
an ambition, a dream that only I could reach, so I decided to try again.
In my junior year, I encountered the same situations. The
play called for white actors for it was a play about British royalty. I already knew that
I didn't stand a chance in getting a part, but I tried again. At the auditions, my friends
were impressed with my British accent. However, one person told me that although it was
nice acting that I did, the audience might think it humorously for he said, "They
might not buy it that you're a person of royalty. Your British accent would sound
weird." His words hurt me a lot, but I said nothing. I had to take it if I was going
to reach for that dream.
In the spring, I felt I had to try again and audition for the
next play. I found luck the day I found out that the play had a Chinese character in it.
Although I was not of a Chinese decent, I fit the part. I won that role and even won an
award for it.
In my senior year, I was cast in another play. This time I
played a white man. I thought at first that my talent gave me that role. I was wrong. It
was my color that did it. I was nothing but a token; a device to show how virtuous and
politically correct our high school drama department was. Although it damaged my dream, it
didn't quite stop me. I kept on dreaming. I had to prove it to myself.
In the next play, the department had to change a character's
features to fit my color. I played a psudo-Arabian/Moor instead of a Roman. That bothered
me a little, but it was time I had to face the fact. I had a gift wrapped in brown skin.
The play was a success and so was I. To me it didn't matter
whether I was a token actor or not. I had the talent. I proved to myself that it is not
about what I am. It is about what I do, how I do it, and with what. I did it to the point
of self-satisfaction and I did it with pride. All I have to do is to keep reaching
for that dream - and nothing can stop me.
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