Merchant
of Penis
September 1998
There was an ad on BackStab West casting for a film called
'Merchant of Venus'. It's an update on the Shakespearean tale and it tackles the issue of
"the shallowness of L.A". It said in the ad that they were having an open call
for the lead guy and also for Mexican body builders. Those going for the lead were
required to do a two-minute comedic monologue. In the breakdowns, it stated that they were
looking for a handsome, 20-24 year-old, artist type for the lead. Although it didn't say
"caucasian", I assumed that it was a call for caucasian actors simply because it
was the handsome lead role. I sort of workout so I thought I'd shoot for the bodybuilder.
Besides I'm not really an actor and I can't do a monologue.
So I got to the place and there were several guys there
already ahead of me. Everyone was made to wait outside of the theatre. I sat down and I
saw this guy walk up to the white girl who was standing behind the podium. He didn't seem
like the body builder type and he was wearing a black shirt. He looked like he was an
artist and was probably in his mid 20's or so, so I figured he was going for the
lead. The young woman looked at the guy and then she fumbled over her words, and I assume,
in an attempt to find the right ones.
"Uhm...I don't think they're auditioning for the part
you are right for."
"What?" The dude loooked annoyed.
"Uhm...I don't think they're auditioning your role
today." The blond woman said in one of those upward statements like she was asking
him a question. All the guy could say was 'oh'.
"Do you have your headshot and resume?" The guy
immediately handed the woman his picture. In trying to remedy the poor dejected actor's
pride, she glanced at his photo and said, "But I think you might be good for
Rainbow." The dude lit up like a light bulb.
"Oh? What does he do," he asked.
"Rainbow? Well, he's a servant." As soon as she
said that final word, the guy's smile disappeared and it looked like he was about to eat
her - in a bad way. I don't think she realized what she had said.
The woman didn't even blink and kept on. "Unfortunately,
we're not auditioning that part today. Sorry." The guy walked away and disappeared
down Melrose.
What's wrong, you ask? What's the matter with the guy? When I
described the guy to to you, did you think he was a white guy? The guy was brown like I
am. And to say you're a servant and that's all you can be to any brown person is a slap on
the fucking face.
I thought about what I just saw and decided not to go in. It
made me not want to be a part of it, even if I was just going to be an extra.
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